133. “But Why?” Refresh Your Goal Motivation

Episode Transcript

Blake Stratton:
It’s March 21, Verbs.

Verbs Boyer:
It is.

Blake Stratton:
Now-

Verbs Boyer:
I’m glad you mentioned that.

Blake Stratton:
… it’s a special, special day in history. Because once upon a time the world was lacking something. There was a void, and the void, it was a bunch of voices. People were clamoring for something, and the voices were brittle. They were astringent sounding. Maybe they sounded like me a little bit, and they needed something. And on March 21, 19…, there emerged, there was a birth of a little tiny boy, a little baby named V to the E to the R to the B to the S. It’s Verbs’s first birthday.

Verbs Boyer:
The baby birds.

Blake Stratton:
Yes. Verbs was born, and immediately the audio waves of history were forever changed by his rich… Yes. Give it up, give it up. Let’s clap it up.

Verbs Boyer:
That’s probably the best birthday salutation I’ve ever received. I appreciate that. Born the year that made, of course, with the drummer on the back.

Blake Stratton:
Were you born like this? You came out the womb and the doctor’s like, “It’s a boy.” And you’re like, “Hey, thanks, doc. Yeah, I’m Verbs. What’s up?”

Verbs Boyer:
Shout out to the doctor that delivered me. Appreciate that.

Blake Stratton:
Verbs, we are so happy you were born. Now this is technically the past time. So I’m just thinking, we may have recorded this before the moment that you’re listening to this, dear listener of Focus on This. Thanks for tuning in. If this is your first time listening, you’re welcome in advance, because Verbs, whose birthday it is, has taken another trip around the sun another year wiser. And I think his voice has gotten even richer, smoother for your Monday morning drive, your commute. So, Verbs, I’ll kick it to you, birthday boy. What are we talking about today?

Verbs Boyer:
Well, first of all, thank you again for those birthday wishes. Today, Blake, we are talking about motivation as we have been the past couple of weeks, as far as how to stay motivated with your goals. Now this is good, because we’re coming up right on quarter two, the beginning of quarter two. So this is a great time that we have to review how quarter one went and really assess where we might need to make some adjustments.

Verbs Boyer:
But I want to ask you, Blake, I pose a question to you first, have you ever gotten to the point, or maybe it’s been recently in quarter one, to where some of your goals you may not have been as motivated or you just hit a dry spot?

Blake Stratton:
I have. I don’t know that I’ve fully examined why. I’m looking forward to the dialogue of this episode to uncover why that happens, but more importantly, what you can do to get that motivation back, because that’s key. If we aren’t excited about our goals, it’s really heavy lifting. A goal is already ideally something beyond your comfort zone. That’s not easy to achieve. If you don’t care about it in the midst of it, it makes it that much harder.

Blake Stratton:
And so if that’s you listening, maybe just the day-to-day busyness or other distractions of life have taken you off course and you find yourself disconnected from those reasons, those driving wise behind your goal, then buckle up, my friends. We are going to help you get your mo back.

Verbs Boyer:
Welcome to another episode of Focus on This, the most productive podcast on the internet so you can banish distractions, get the right stuff done and finally start loving Mondays. I’m Verbs, here with Blake Stratton. Blake, first of all, happy Monday, as you noticed-

Blake Stratton:
Happy Monday to you, Verbs. Now-

Verbs Boyer:
We are one short today.

Blake Stratton:
We are. We’re missing-

Verbs Boyer:
Our chief marketing officer is not with us today, Miss Courtney Baker.

Blake Stratton:
Yeah. I think she was being inducted to the Peloton Hall of Fame or something like that.

Verbs Boyer:
Hall of Fame.

Blake Stratton:
Yeah. I think she got called in by Peloton to be a brand ambassador or something like that. That’s not true. Some of you were like, “Oh, wow, I should send her a note and say, wow, that’s great.”

Verbs Boyer:
Yeah, you have to clean that up just so people aren’t tweeting congratulations, and all that. But yeah, she’ll definitely be back with us soon.

Nick Jaworski:
No, people should tweet congratulations.

Blake Stratton:
Yeah, they should. Everyone say congrats on-

Verbs Boyer:
On your Hall of Fame induction.

Blake Stratton:
… being inducted to the Peloton Hall of Fame. See if we can get her going on it. All right, Verbs. So we’re talking about motivation today, getting those driving forces back in gear behind your goals. You want talk about, what’s the first driving force people should reflect on?

Verbs Boyer:
So force number one is the drive. And we’re talking about the drive behind your goal is about who and/or what. Now I’ll say this before we really get too far into it. A lot of the foundation of what we’re going to talk about today actually goes back to how you’ve framed or formulated your goals according to the SMARTER framework.

Verbs Boyer:
And so you’ll see those points where they’ll connect as we go through the forces that we’re going to talk about today. But I’ll toss it back to you, though, Blake, the drive behind our goal and making sure that’s embedded or baked into the initial goal or not, and what we might need to do to adjust it.

Blake Stratton:
Yeah. I sometimes have found myself working on a goal and, when I lose interest upon further examination, I find it’s because I ask myself, “Hey, why am I doing this goal? What’s the driving force?” And it starts with the phrase, “Well, I should…” These are “should goals,” as I call them. So, for instance, people say, “Oh, I should eat healthier.” Whatever that means, or “I should… Verbs, he wakes up at 4:00 AM and bench-presses 300 pounds every day, so I should do that routine.”

Verbs Boyer:
Do the same. Right.

Blake Stratton:
If you Google search, like, celebrity routines, people are looking for formulas that other people have done to find success. And then just mimicking those tactics because of some made-up ideal, a societal norm, or something, right?

Verbs Boyer:
Right.

Blake Stratton:
You see this all the time with people’s finances or with their lifestyle choices, their work choices. And the trouble with this, it’s true, that would getting up earlier and exercising be “good for you”? Yeah, probably. But if the driving force is outside of yourself, outside of your own desire, if it’s a should driver, that motivation’s going to be hard to sustain. Is this making sense, Verbs?

Verbs Boyer:
No. I think you said it well, as far as, “Hey, these are good things that could be done.” And there’s probably some people that actually succeed at doing these things based on being influenced by a program or a person, or some sort. So in and of itself, I think these things are good. I should eat healthy, because it helps me be a healthy person. But, as you mentioned, just the motivation or the drive behind it, it could fall short, and we can lose our motivation because it’s not embedded in something internally.

Blake Stratton:
Yeah. I would say this, it’s a good thing to want what you want. It’s a good thing to have desires, because what I’ve found is, when I choose a goal that is just something I really want, one of two things happens. Either A, it turns out what I want was great for me and I get it and I sustain it, or I discover something about myself or about what I really wanted that would be more fulfilling along the way.

Blake Stratton:
But your desire is that compass. It’s helpful to allow that to be the case just because, if you don’t, if it’s somebody else pressuring you into something, it’s far more taxing, just on an energy level, on a consistency level. Like I talk to business owners, mostly what I do during my workday. And they tell me, “Well, I really ought to be more disciplined.”

Blake Stratton:
And the first that goes off of in my head . . . They talk about the Full Focus Planner, or say, “Oh, I know I really ought to be doing, whatever.” And I go, “Time out, you ought to be, do you want to do that? Let’s talk about what you really want.”

Blake Stratton:
And what so often happens is, once they focus on what they want, sometimes they end up doing those things that they “should do” along the way. But because the driver is internal and personal to them, they’re much more likely to succeed. So that would be, I guess my two cents is to pay attention to what matters truly to you when setting your goal or perhaps reframing a goal that you currently have.

Verbs Boyer:
Yeah. And I think we talked about this a couple weeks ago and you mentioned it is, your goal is not about only what you want to do or accomplish but who you want to become when you accomplish that goal. And I think that can be something I know that’s . . . well, let me say this. This is something that’s helped me as I formulated my goals this year, is at the end of this, who do I want to become versus just doing a task that I think I should do or installing some ritual or regimen that I think I should do? But really, who do I want to become at the end of this? And I think that’s an important question to ask ourselves when we start assessing where we’re at right now going into quarter two.

Blake Stratton:
That is a great lead in, Verbs, to the second force behind your goal that you should reflect on. The first one being the drive. Are you driving it or is it outside pressures? The second force is the benefits. So this is as simple as asking, “Hey, what’s in it for me?” What is in accomplishing this goal that will benefit me or people I care about or something I want, right?

Verbs Boyer:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Blake Stratton:
And what you just said, who I get to become is a great benefit. Maybe one of the best benefits is, why is it worth pursuing this goal? Well, because I want to become the type of person who, fill in the blank. Maybe I want to be the type of person that’s in great physical shape that has a lot of energy. So this goal might feel like a grind right now to get up a little earlier to do whatever exercise you’re doing. But when you reflect on the benefit of doing that over the course of time, you can rediscover your motivation.

Blake Stratton:
It’s almost like I think with this one, Verbs, the benefits you’re thinking about, you’re doing some time traveling. That’s kind of what I do. I actually did this this morning, because I was feeling, I don’t know, just not restless, like I didn’t know what direction I was going in, but I didn’t really have a lot of juice. You know what I’m saying?

Verbs Boyer:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Blake Stratton:
Were you like, “Yeah, I’m doing this.” But it just kind of feels like, “All right, whatever.” Your heart’s not in it.

Verbs Boyer:
Yeah.

Blake Stratton:
And I did a little time traveling. I called it virtual reality, and I started journaling like I was in a virtual… just in a scene where I’ve already accomplished my goal, what’s the scene? What does it feel like? What are the surroundings? How do I feel? Those types of things help me at least tune into those benefits of achieving, or at least pursuing the goal.

Verbs Boyer:
Man, that’s interesting because when you’re thinking or coming up with the goal and… I mean, I guess you could say if you’re already struggling with this at the beginning of the goal creation process, it may be worth doing an exercise like what Blake is talking about just time travel for a moment and then work yourself back and see where it is, where you want to be.

Verbs Boyer:
Because again, if you’re creating a goal around physical health or emotional health, it’s important to examine those whys behind that goal in light of who you want to become. Because, again, that’s going to help not only just your motivation and your drive, but it’s also giving you hope cast into the future a little bit that’s going to reel you in to whatever discipline or whatever rituals need to be in place to actually see that goal realized.

Blake Stratton:
When I first learned goal setting, we would talk a lot about a reward like, “Hey, I’m going to do something nice or I’m going to get something, or whatever.” And I’ve done this a couple of times, but I’d be curious about your experience of that. One, have you ever done something like that? And two, how did that motivate you or not motivate in comparison to some of these other themes we’ve talked about?

Verbs Boyer:
Yeah. So I feel like there’s two schools of thought on this, and I’ve heard Michael mention this as well, in that goal creation process if there’s something that you want to accomplish or achieve, and then you attach a reward directly to it.

Verbs Boyer:
So for instance, I’m going to train for a marathon and, by myself, I’m going to do it. I’m going to train for, let’s say three weeks every morning. 6:00 AM in the morning, I’m going to run. At the end of that three weeks, I’m going to buy myself a new pair of running shoes or some sort of tangible goal or a purchase or an activity they’ll do once they complete that goal.

Verbs Boyer:
And then there’s also the school of thought of the way the goal is designed is almost a reward in itself and enough inspiration to actually do the goal and just getting the goal completed. Because I mean, the truth is not all of us complete all of our goals all of the time. So just completing the goal is also a reward in itself and brings that feeling of becoming or satisfaction, or at least the development that I might have wanted to see in doing the goal. I find it’s there once I complete it.

Verbs Boyer:
Actually, I don’t know. So let me ask you that, as far as which camp would you be in? We know Courtney, I mean, she likes to attach those small things that are actual rewards, but I also heard her mention before that sometimes just the completion of the goal itself is a reward. But where do you fall on that?

Blake Stratton:
Honestly, I almost never do a reward that’s just kind of in the reward, treat yourself type of thing. I almost never do it. And I think the reason is because I lose… It’s hard to find something that’s going to give me legitimate motivation consistently. Because if a goal I’m doing is painful, I’m like, “Oh, if I do this, I’m going to treat myself to blah, blah, blah.” And my brain kind of works like, “Well, I’m already getting by without that nice thing, without that experience, or whatever.”

Blake Stratton:
I guess for me, the stakes have to be greater, and we’ll get to this when we talk about our third force, but the stakes of the goal itself have to be bigger. There has to be an inherent reward that I either experience incrementally. Habit goals, a lot of times are like this, where, “Hey, I’m halfway through this” or “I’ve kind of been checking the boxes” or “I’m moving towards this. I’m experiencing benefits as I make progress on my goal.” That to me, has been the best motivation, because there’s almost quicker feedback, so to speak.

Blake Stratton:
Especially if it’s an annual goal or whatever, like, “Hey, if we save this much money or if we do this, then we’ll do…” I don’t know. I’ve never had a lot of luck with that. Technically I did do this, I hit a specific financial goal last month, actually. It wasn’t necessarily predetermined, but I had it in the back of my mind and I floated it to my wife. Actually, she encouraged me to do it, but I’m a gamer now, Verbs. I bought an Xbox.

Verbs Boyer:
Oh my goodness, you’re in.

Blake Stratton:
I didn’t grow up with video games. I had a PlayStation 1, but it was after… It was like 15 minutes before PlayStation 2 came out, and it was a little bit like, [crosstalk 00:17:38]. I’m thankful for it, but my parents resisted the whole video game thing for most of my childhood. So I was already almost, I think a freshman. I was kind of past it.

Blake Stratton:
So I’m horrible at video games. It’s just embarrassing. But Elena, my wife, and I, we play games together now, and it’s this fun way to do ridiculous stuff. Anyway, so I treated myself to that. But I don’t think that I would’ve… that wouldn’t have been enough for any goal for me to buy. “Oh, I’m going to buy some fun thing.” So I’m over-explaining. Poor Nick has to cut this down. But Verbs, which one do you do? Which one do you typically fall into?

Verbs Boyer:
Yeah, I think for me, I fall into that camp of the completion of the goal itself is the actual reward. Because most of the time there’s some level of discipline that has to be realized in carrying the goal out, and so the challenge is to maintain that discipline. Before we move on to this next one, I think it’s important to note, whatever it is, if it’s you making a purchase or writing down an activity that you would do once you complete the goal or if the completion of the goal is the actual reward, it’s just important for you to note it, to name it and write it down, that way you know what you’re working towards, right?

Blake Stratton:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Verbs Boyer:
So if you want to get in better physical shape, then following a weekly exercise program, that’s going to get you there. And at the end of it, you’re like, “Hey, I’m in better physical shape. I can see lines in those abs now,” or whatever it might be. Maybe you are installing some sort of habit discipline with your finances as far as saving. And the goal is you’ve actually paid off that car that you’ve been striving to do for a few years.

Verbs Boyer:
So those kinds of things act as a reward or the benefit, it might be better stated. The benefit or the reward of the goal. But I fall into that camp of, “Hey, if I can get this goal…” For instance, I’ll share this real quick. So I had a writing goal that I formulated at the beginning of the year to write eight bars of lyric a day. They don’t even have to make sense. They just need to rhyme and have some sort of composition to it, but just getting to the practice of doing that. And now here’s the truth. I hit a messy middle. At week one, it was like, it’s not happening.

Blake Stratton:
A messy middle.

Verbs Boyer:
Right. But when I restarted, I was surpassing that little… The eight bars that I was able to just write, which was the whole goal behind it, was getting back into the practice of composing words and getting to the agility part of it and all that. So that’s where I was going.

Verbs Boyer:
And so where I started was, “Well, let me just try to write eight bars of lyric a day.” And so again, I’ve accomplished kind of what I wanted to do, because I feel like I’m locked into a new rhythm or groove, so to speak, that helped out the original goal of why I came up with it in the first place.

Blake Stratton:
So, people, they know I have to ask this, but are we going to write these eight bars together, so you can check the box off today right now during the rest of this podcast?

Verbs Boyer:
We could try, again, it’s not going to… It doesn’t have to make sense. It’s just got to rhyme, that’s the goal.

Blake Stratton:
Maybe we’ll save that. Maybe we’ll save it.

Blake Stratton:
We’ve talked about two driving forces, things to reflect on if you’re losing motivation. The first being your drive, who’s driving this goal, is it you? Is it an outside force? You want to make sure you’re in the driver’s seat. Second force being the benefits. Really paint the picture in your mind. If it’s a nice dinner you’re going to treat yourself to, taste the meal, but familiarize yourself with the benefits of doing the goal. The third force is the cost. In other words, what is at stake if you do not reach your goal? What’s at stake?

Blake Stratton:
Now this is something. I will have coaching calls, sales calls, during my workday a lot. And this is a question I love to ask people, because it’ll be some version of this where I’ll say something like… They will have told me their goal. They would’ve told me the stuff that they’re dealing with that’s a problem, or that’s keeping them from their goal. And I’ll ask something like this, “Well, why not just keep things the way they are? Why even go through the trouble of trying to fix that problem or hit that goal?”

Blake Stratton:
And it’s another way of saying, “What’s at stake if you don’t achieve it?” This is a big deal. It’s almost the flip side of the second force. We think about the benefits; this is the cost. What will you lose? What will you miss out on?

Verbs Boyer:
Yeah. I want to underscore what you just said is, what will you lose or miss out on? Because if there’s opportunity that’s available, you have to willingly choose not to go after that opportunity and count that as a loss, which should hopefully pivot you back into that thinking of what you said, “Okay, let me name the benefit. Let me name the reward, and then figure out how I need to get there.”

Verbs Boyer:
Because if there’s stuff out there to get, you are consciously saying, “No, that’s okay. I’ll let it be. I’d rather stay where I am.” If there’s opportunity there, why not at least make the effort and take advantage of the opportunity to go for it?

Blake Stratton:
Right. When you’re reflecting on your goal, think of different life domains if you kind of want to consider the cost. Now maybe it’s really obvious, depend on how specific your goal is, but I think this becomes more effective when you think about different life domains. So almost think of it this way if you need a word picture, think laterally across different life domains. So even if it’s a financial goal, like I want to earn this much money this year, or I want to save this much money this year.

Blake Stratton:
Sometimes we can think the cost is, “Oh, well, I won’t have that much money, so my finances won’t be as good.” Well, think laterally. Think, “Okay, well, how does that affect my marriage?” “Oh, well.” Maybe some uncomfortable conversations that I don’t really want to have or we don’t get to treat ourselves or go out, or take a vacation. Think about emotionally, “Hey, how is that going to feel just for me and my own sense of progress in my life?”

Verbs Boyer:
Yeah.

Blake Stratton:
Take it across, even physical. If we did hit that goal, I probably would start… I’d go start paying to go see the chiropractor again, or I’d start getting some more wellness care, and I probably won’t be able to do that if I don’t hit this financial goal. Spread the cost out laterally. The other thing you can do, Verbs, is go vertically, I guess, or kind of in depth. And the way I think about this is second and third order consequences. So it’s-

Verbs Boyer:
Unpack that.

Blake Stratton:
… not just a different life domain, but, “Well, if this doesn’t happen, then this doesn’t have up, and then that causes this.” The domino effect, I guess, of missing your goal or not going after your goal. So this is something that I’ve talked to some of our clients about before, because they’ll say things like, “Well, yeah, I have this habit goal to set my Daily Big 3 every day and have more focus… so I can have more focus at work.”

Blake Stratton:
And I go, “Okay, well, what’s the cost if you don’t?” “Well, I’ll just feel busy and annoyed.” And it’s like, “Okay, well, what’s that?” A second order consequence of that is, you’ll come home from work every day being a little bit annoyed. So how does that affect your family?

Verbs Boyer:
Absolutely.

Blake Stratton:
And let’s say you do that for another two years. Your kid is six years old, and the majority of the time they’re getting a version of you that’s a little bit annoyed. How does that affect their day to day? And not to be overly dramatic, but you want to carry out second and third order consequences, because what that does is it inflates the cost of missing the goal and you can channel that into more motivation.

Verbs Boyer:
Yeah. No, those are great pro tips, man. Because, again, when you think that deeply as you called it vertically, because again, we’re trying to figure out, how do we stay motivated and shake ourselves out of this stagnant state. And so it’s going to require something a little bit extra more. So if you normally, you may not be the person, if you’re listening, that goes always to the worst-case scenario, but it’s almost something you’d have to do in this exercise is go there to hit the spot of this is why I am motivated.

Verbs Boyer:
If you have younger children, they don’t mind asking why multiple times to get to the answer that they would like to hear. So it’s almost taking yourself through that same exercise just to identify and hit that rock bottom of your why that will then trigger yourself back into a new kind of vein or new current of motivation. So I’m actually going to write that one down horizontally and vertically, just thinking across all domains, because it’s easy to just think about one domain, “All right, this is financial. This is what’s happening my business.”

Verbs Boyer:
But if I think about, again, the residual effect across the board, then I’m going to be able to come up with something that I identify as I’m going to lose or miss out on this. I have a goal right now in the parental domain of this year being able to schedule time with each of my children individually doing an hour of whatever they want to do. If it’s building Legos, it’s just me and my son, or going out for tea with me and my daughter.

Verbs Boyer:
Because for me the why is, I know that the age range that they’re in right now, eventually they may not want to hang out with Dad. So I want to capture at least these moments that we have with them right now where they’ll get excited to go out and hang out with Dad, and it’s just investing back into that bucket of relationship with my children, because I don’t… The cost is I’ll miss it. And so I have to tailor, figure out schedule-wise, how do I need to get everything in order so I can actually take this on and achieve that goal, because it’s that important?

Blake Stratton:
That’s amazing, Verbs. And I’m not just saying this because it’s your future birthday, but you’re an awesome dad. You really are. This is slightly off topic. I’m convinced that maybe, this may be an exaggeration, 80% of the world’s problems would be solved instantly if dads would be better dads.

Blake Stratton:
You talk about second, third, fourth consequences. I feel like if there were dads like you setting those quality time goals with their kids, the second, third order consequences has a societal impact. So that’s pretty awesome. That’s inspiring to me.

Verbs Boyer:
So here’s the thing, now, is just actually making it happen. So make sure you ask me both, Nick, Courtney, Blake, ask me how’s it’s going.

Blake Stratton:
It’s pretty simple, Verbs, do you want there to be another world war? Then you better play Legos for an hour. All right?

Verbs Boyer:
I mean, let’s do it.

Nick Jaworski:
With great power comes great responsibility.

Verbs Boyer:
Great responsibility.

Blake Stratton:
Yes. Well, speaking of fatherhood, I’m working at home today, and so I can actually hear my motivation crying upstairs. No doubt she’s-

Verbs Boyer:
She sounds like she’s had a good taco [crosstalk 00:29:44].

Blake Stratton:
… elucidating some existential questions for my wife right now. Trying to-

Verbs Boyer:
Those are the sounds of the joy of fatherhood right there.

Blake Stratton:
Yes, they are. What wonderful reminders they are, especially for those of you who work from home, you know what I about.

Verbs Boyer:
So the good news is you don’t have to lose steam with your goals. You can refresh the motivation behind your goals by reflecting on what’s driving them, the benefits of achieving them, and the cost if you don’t. So, Blake, any final thoughts for our Focus on This listeners before we wrap up?

Blake Stratton:
I think the final thought today, there’s one other way to get some motivation back that we didn’t necessarily talk about and that is to lean on somebody. So today you’ve got me and the wonderful birthday man, Verbs. And so, from us and the Focus on This team, if you feel like you can’t do it, you can do it. Your decision to go after this is the greatest indicator and factor. The greatest evidence that you’ve got what it takes.

Blake Stratton:
So if you don’t hear anything else this Monday morning, hear this: keep going, you can do it. And if you need some help or some additional encouragement or tools, come see us in the Facebook group. Verbs, you can let them know about that, but thank you for listening. You’ve got it y’all, go get them.

Verbs Boyer:
As Blake mentioned, thank you guys for joining us on Focus on This. This is the most productive podcast on the internet. So share it with your friends, and don’t forget to join the Full Focus Planner Community right there on Facebook. We’ll be here next week with another great episode, but until then, stay focused.

Blake Stratton:
Stay focused.

Blake Stratton:
Well, how would you rhyme the word focus here if we do a few bars?

Verbs Boyer:
Focused as a [crosstalk 00:32:03] blowfish who is not hopeless, so go get this it.

Blake Stratton:
It’s not magic. No Hocus Pocus.

Verbs Boyer:
Hocus Pocus, that’s the word.