179. Better Together: Involve People to Boost Goal Achievement

Episode Transcript

Courtney Baker:
Hey guys, it’s Courtney, and you may not know it, but Megan and Michael, our founders here at Full Focus, have a brand new book out called Mind Your Mindset. It is fantastic, and if you find yourself working on your goals and maybe struggling a little bit, it might be time to check out your mindset. It is a fantastic book for helping you with your goal achievement. You can buy it at any of your favorite retailers. We also have some awesome bonuses to go along with it. You can find out more at mindyourmindsetbook.com.

Verbs Boyer:
All right, Courtney, so I’m going through the notes for today’s show, and apparently today is what is called Galentine’s Day. Are you aware of this? Not Valentine’s Day, but Galentine’s Day.

Courtney Baker:
Yes. Yeah, the day before Valentine’s Day. I do love that today is a time to think about our friendships, think about the people that make life worth living, not that tomorrow, Valentine’s Day, isn’t also important. I start digging myself a hole the day before Valentine’s Day. I do think it’s just a beautiful day to think about friends that are really important to us and a fun way to celebrate them. I don’t know if guys do Galentine’s Day, but I think you should. I mean, can we spin this off like, Broentine’s Day?

Verbs Boyer:
I’m willing to bet [inaudible 00:01:30] have not heard.

Blake Stratton:
It’s Palentine’s.

Courtney Baker:
Palentine’s.

Verbs Boyer:
Palentine’s.

Blake Stratton:
Yeah, I don’t think that’s ever happened.

Courtney Baker:
Palentine doesn’t have quite the same ring, but I think it works well for what we’re going to be talking about today, because we’re going to be talking about the things that you need to actually achieve goals. And one of the things that so often is missing from our goal achievement journey is our friends, the people that come alongside us. We need them in our journey. And so it’s kind of fun that today it’s Galentine’s Day, and we’re also talking about how our friends and our community can come alongside us as we pursue our goals.

Blake Stratton:
That’s right. So sit back, pour yourself a mimosa. Today we are going to look at three confessions you can make to involve your Galentines, whoever they may be. Involve your community, if you don’t have a Galentine, in your goal process. Sometimes the pathway to breakthrough begins with admitting you need some help. Cue the Usher. These are my confessions.

Verbs Boyer:
Producer’s note, do not pour a mimosa if you are currently driving. That is all.
Welcome to another episode of Focus On This, the most productive podcast on the internet so you can banish distractions, get the right stuff done, and finally start loving Mondays. I’m Verbs here with Courtney Baker and Blake Stratton. Happy Monday to you all.

Courtney Baker:
Happy Monday.

Blake Stratton:
Happy Monday unto you, Verbs.

Verbs Boyer:
Thank you. Thank you. We’re having this discussion about Galentine’s Day today, but where should we really begin or where should we start when it comes to involving our Galentine slash community in the goal achievement process?

Blake Stratton:
The first confession Verbs, you want to make, is to admit I am stuck. I am stuck. And do you have any ideas? This is something that is hard to do. It’s hard to admit potentially to somebody else if you’re feeling stuck. I will raise my hand. This happens all the time. I get stuck, and the first thing I tend to do is to burrow and try to figure it out on my own and figure it out and retreat, get frustrated.
But wow, have I ever saved time and energy and frustration just by vocalizing to somebody else that I’m stuck. Now, here’s the interesting part. I don’t know if this has ever happened to you, Courtney or Verbs, but I’ve got a little coaching group, I’ve got clients. And one thing that’s so amazing, if you’re listening, you’re a coach, you’ve had this experience too, I bet. Where your client will start talking about their problem. They’ll be like, “oh, I’m really stuck with this.” And then you just say, “oh, tell me more about that.” And they start explaining their problem. And while they’re explaining it to you, they’re like, “oh yeah, that’s what I should do.” Coaching is a great job for that reason. You’re clients do all the work.

Verbs Boyer:
I think I’ve done that before. I’ve done that before probably. No, I’ve done that before for sure. And this is an interesting confession. One, we’re calling it confession, which means we’ve settled this in our own minds that I need to verbally express this to someone else. And we’ve gotten to that point, but then we’re actually admitting, “Hey, I’m stuck.” Which in a lot of ways, I would submit before you all, there probably is an element of pride there, because I do the same thing as you, Blake. I’ll internalize it, try to figure it out, and maybe I’m at the end of my wits and I’ll say, “you know what? This actually needs done. I’m outside of my pay grade here. I need to seek somebody else’s input.”
But it could be, there’s an element of pride there because one, you’re going to have to go ask somebody for help for whatever reason you feel that. But as we all know, that pride comes before the fall. And so if there’s something that you’ve set out as a goal achievement, that’s a part of who you want to become, and the goal is at stake, it’s going through that process, maybe getting over our own pride that could be there, confessing it and really implementing or engaging someone else to help us out.

Courtney Baker:
Well, and I would even Usher to say… Ha ha, Usher again.

Blake Stratton:
Nice.

Verbs Boyer:
Ha ha.

Courtney Baker:
That this is about the time in the quarter that you might be feeling this. This might be the exact moment you need to hear this. You’re kind of in the middle maybe of a quarter. The stuff that you set out to accomplish January 1st, you’re starting to hit that and I think that’s such a good word, Verbs of, hey, just setting aside the pride and starting to talk about where you’re at. That you’re stuck on this thing that you wanted to accomplish.
Okay, so again, confession number one is, “I’m stuck. Do you have any ideas?” Confession two is, “I’m discouraged. Can you encourage me?” It’s interesting that this landed the way it did because the first confession, I’m such an external processor, if I’m stuck, you just have to be in my orbit to hear that I’m stuck. That’s not normally something… But I feel like both of you are more internal processors.
This one is really hard for me, admitting that I’m discouraged and actually asking for encouragement feels so counter to me, who I am. It’s like, oh, encouragement comes because I’ve earned it or I deserve it for something. But that’s actually kind of a terrible way to set yourself up and a terrible way to be in community with other people. Because one, it also says that they have to earn your encouragement, that they have to do something that deserves it. So I love this idea of actually saying like, “Hey, I need some motivation with my goal that I’m pursuing. Can I talk to you about it? Could you help encourage me? I’m just needing a little pep. I’m needing someone to be in this with me.”

Verbs Boyer:
A little boost. Yeah.

Courtney Baker:
A little boost, yeah.

Verbs Boyer:
I think it’s worth saying as well, it’s important especially for people that are close to you that know you, just to have somebody close in your orbit, that one, can remind you of who you are and then why you’ve started this goal process in the first place, if they’re privy to that information, and tie that into who you stated you wanted to become at the very beginning of this process as well. Because that sometimes, just reminding yourself of those things, get out of the echo chamber of your own mind, just to hear that so we can add some friction there to get you back to the place of, “oh yeah, that’s right. That’s why I’m doing this.”

Courtney Baker:
And actually in this moment, I would like to go ahead and tell you two, three, I would like to tell you three about Michael. I think Nick already knows though, so that you can encourage me in a couple of months when I start throwing golf clubs. Because one of my goals this year is to learn how to play golf. And I want you two to know that I have already, because it’s winter, I’m taking lessons indoors, I’ve already put a hole in a wall with a golf ball.

Verbs Boyer:
On purpose, or is this accidental?

Courtney Baker:
It was on accident. My coach was like, “did you bring any spackling with you? Which I did not.

Verbs Boyer:
Were you the first person to do this, was my other question.

Courtney Baker:
Actually, later on, he said that they have to fix the walls just about every few months. They have to come in and repair walls, which did make me feel better, but it was a painful blow to my budding confidence in the game of golf. So this this is-

Blake Stratton:
I’ll just encourage you right now. Listen, it’s clear that you are generating some power with your swing right now that that’s evident and you’re going to need that.

Verbs Boyer:
That’s excellent.

Blake Stratton:
And I also would encourage you that while you may be busting through a wall today, there’s a great chance that you will never encounter having to bust through a wall on a golf course. I haven’t been to a lot of golf courses. I’m not a golfer, but from what I know, it’s a good chance that won’t happen again.

Courtney Baker:
Thank you.

Blake Stratton:
So you can put it behind you safely and rest in the fact that, you know what? I’m getting some power behind the swing.

Courtney Baker:
Thank you. I knew I could count on y’all.

Verbs Boyer:
Great job, Blake.

Blake Stratton:
That’s Right.
So the second confession is, “I’m discouraged. Can you encourage me?” We’ve got one more for you and I’ll spare you the Usher interlude. Nick can do a little playful music in between instead. Unless you want to pay up for that royalty, Nick, that’d be great. The third confession, “I’m falling behind. Can you hold me accountable? I’m falling behind. Can you hold me accountable?”
This is another hard one to make. Most confessions aren’t super easy, but this one to admit, “you know what? I’m falling behind and not where I want to be. Can you help me stay or keep pace with where I want to be?” And I want to define the word accountable here because maybe it’s just how I grew up, but the word accountability was always kind of a scary word to me. It was basically an opportunity for me to be exposed as failing. And so to seek out accountability didn’t seem super fun. And maybe you listening are avoiding having accountability for your goals for that same reason. It’s like you’re sort of subconsciously avoiding that. Am I alone in this? Have you two kind of had that thought before with accountability?

Courtney Baker:
Definitely. I think for me, it is like shrouded in, somebody else is going to know if I fail.

Blake Stratton:
Mm-hmm.

Courtney Baker:
Which is just similar, I feel like.

Blake Stratton:
A mentor of mine helped me rethink accountability, which is to involve not just, “Hey, are you doing the thing you said you’re going to do?” But to have the person that’s quote “holding you accountable,” be aware and be a believer in your potential and your identity and who you are trying to become.

Verbs Boyer:
Yeah.

Blake Stratton:
Because accountability then isn’t just, “Hey, did you perform perfectly or not? And here’s a slap on the wrist most likely if you’re not performing well,” but it’s actually wrapped in encouragement and belief and “Hey, this is who you really are.” Are you acting out of that identity or is the evidence showing otherwise? And if so, what’s going on?
Now that’s maybe a little bit layered, maybe too deep a layer. I don’t know. You guys know I like to go deep, but that was game changing for me when it comes to accountability is because then accountability is, “oh, someone’s going to reflect back to me who I really am.” Actually, when I worked at Full Focus, I thought as a team, we did this well. And I remember my boss, Chad, giving me this experience firsthand probably the first time I had that from a boss where accountability was, “Hey, yeah, let’s look at the numbers, Blake. How you doing?”
But it was, “let’s look at your strengths. This is what you’re really good at. How can you lean into this more? Because this is who you really are.” And I thought that was really, really powerful. So if you feel sort of that heaviness around accountability and you’ve been avoiding reaching out to someone, I think being explicit with that question, “can you hold me accountable? Hey, here’s what I’m really needing.” As someone that also holds clients accountable, I don’t want to be the police or slap people on the wrist or make them feel bad. So incorporate that level of accountability. And I think you’ll find it’s life changing.

Verbs Boyer:
I love the way you frame that up, Blake, and it’s almost so… You see these memes on the internet to where there’s the guy in the gym, he’s decided he’s going to film himself working out, he gets on the bench and you know that there’s way too much weight on the bar for this guy to actually lift up. He’s going to get crushed. But the wise work-outer would call somebody over and say, “Hey, can you spot me on this while I try to get this barbell up in the air?” And again, the person that’s spotting you is either going to tell you, “Hey, that’s probably a little bit too much weight on the bar. You should probably take a couple of those plates off,” but then they’re right back in there with you making sure that you don’t get crushed under the weight of what you thought you could do. But they’re also encouraging you to get that bar up in the air because you have the strength to do it.

Blake Stratton:
Verbs. I appreciate that. That was a roundabout way of saying thank you to me for spotting you. Obviously you look for who is the buff-est guy in the room? You found me. I was more than happy to help you. And you know what, man? You’re going to get up. You’re going to get that PR soon. I’ll be there.

Verbs Boyer:
Soon. See you at the Y.

Nick Jaworski:
All right. It’s that time in the episode where we dig into the Full Focus Planner Community, which I also need to point out is a place that if you’re listening to this podcast and you’re on Facebook, seems like you should be in the Full Focus Planner Community with the other people who spend their time talking about goal achievement. So this is just a question from there. This is a question from Quai. Quai asks, “working on my Annual goals, could you give me some examples of an emotional goal?” And just to be clear in case people don’t understand, is that each goal page has a series of, what would you call them? Like markers-

Courtney Baker:
Life domains.

Nick Jaworski:
Life domains?

Courtney Baker:
Yeah.

Nick Jaworski:
And one of those actually in the old planner layout is emotional. They’re a little bit different now, but it’s still something to think about. What is an emotional goal?

Courtney Baker:
Yeah. This is really a great question, and Nick, I think this is a really fun one for me and you to talk through together. Some things that I have done as far as goals in this category are things like really one, I think when it’s your emotions, thinking of how you want to feel at the end of this year, and then thinking through what are the things that would need to happen to work towards that.
And so things that I’ve done in the past is, hey, I went to meet with a therapist once a month for 2023 or once every two weeks. Last year I worked with a spiritual director, which is obviously also is in the life domain of spiritual. But I think there was a lot of emotional things there as well. Another thing that might be helpful is meditation. Maybe a meditation practice that you’re going to install, a habit goal that maybe if it’s emotionally, I just want to have more peace in my life. That’s kind of the aspiration. Then coming up with a concrete goal of what are the things I need to do to move towards that aspiration. So those are a few. I’m curious, Nick, off the top of your head, have you ever pursued a goal like this or have any ideas?

Nick Jaworski:
Well, it’s interesting because I’ve definitely done meditation goals in the past. And I think the thing that perhaps Quai is getting at, and I think maybe that I relate to, is that in my head I go, well, all of these are emotional, right? Oh, every single one of these, every single one of these goals is about a feeling. Feeling better, feeling productive, feeling good about myself in some way. What I think is the core of the question is, isn’t this all emotional?

Courtney Baker:
Yeah, absolutely. But I think what that domain is trying to do is have you look at it and say, “is there an outcome? Is there something… If I think of this more as an outcome, are there things that I need to work on to get that outcome?” You’re right, every goal certainly has feelings associated to it, but really the driving force usually isn’t your emotional health or wellbeing. It’s usually a different outcome. It’s like, “Hey, I want to save a certain amount of money by this point.” Now is that going to make me feel less stressed?

Nick Jaworski:
Yes.

Courtney Baker:
Yes. But that is not the focus of that goal usually. It’s usually, I want to have this much money where this is just really saying, “Hey, let’s think about your emotional health, and is there something that would be worthwhile to pursue related specifically to your emotions?”

Nick Jaworski:
Yeah, I think that the therapy idea, the spiritual counseling idea, the things that are directly related to the mind and spirit are probably where it’s at. Things like if you’re very anxious and focusing specifically on a way to quantify at least direction towards solving some of that and minimizing that, it’s different. That is the kind of goal that would go under emotional, probably.

Courtney Baker:
And I think so many times goals can check multiple life domains, and that’s great.

Nick Jaworski:
For sure.

Courtney Baker:
Actually, I didn’t even think about this one until just now because it was one of my 2020 goals that never saw the light of day. But I had a goal to go on basically a retreat at a place that has a lot of yoga and meditation and-

Nick Jaworski:
Cucumbers on your eyes.

Courtney Baker:
…Silent hiking and yeah. What’d you say?

Nick Jaworski:
Cucumber slices. That’s what I picture.

Courtney Baker:
Cucumber slices. And I was hoping to do it with a friend. So on one hand it is a relational goal, but it’s also emotional, spiritual in a way. Certainly there are times where you’re going to be able to check multiple boxes. But I think the practice of thinking through it is what’s most helpful, of like, is there an area related to my emotions that could use some focus this year?

Nick Jaworski:
Well, and I want to highlight that there’s older planners and there’s newer planners. And if I’m correct that the domains have changed a little bit just in how they’re clustered. I’m just going to read them real quick. The ones I’m looking at, a new planner, they’re body, mind, spirit, which by the way, those two are probably mind, spirit, similar to our emotional thing.
Love, family, community, money, work, hobbies. And I think the idea here is, it’s interesting. Quai is asking this question of what is an emotional goal? And without having looked at a goal detail page, they would never have considered that perhaps there’s some spaces that they can improve upon in their emotional life. So that’s all this is, that you go, “do I have a goal for community?” For example. I think that’s a great, especially post pandemic, especially in the world we’re in, you go, “community, what is that?” Have I thought about that in 10 years? I don’t know. And so it’s really just an opportunity to use the life domains to just think. And maybe you don’t have one set for that. That’s fine. That’s not the plan is that you set a goal for every domain, right?

Courtney Baker:
Right. I mean, it’s helpful if you’re like, “Hey, I’ve never had a goal related to my emotional health.” That might be worthwhile to pursue. I usually find that culturally, at least here in the United States, we are more dispositioned to have goals in our professional lives, our health and our finances.
And usually anything outside of those community, marital, parental-

Nick Jaworski:
Hobbies.

Courtney Baker:
…Hobbies. Which by the way, this year I have a big hobby goal that I’m so excited about. Those things usually fall to the back burner or never come up at all. And that’s why I love these life domains. It’s less a thing that you’ve got to get them all at a certain time or anything, but more a practice of, okay, how do we examine our lives from multiple different avenues and see if there are different things that rise to the surface that we need to pursue.

Nick Jaworski:
I got to know what this hobby goal is.

Courtney Baker:
Okay. I’m so excited. So I played tennis in college.

Nick Jaworski:
That’s right.

Courtney Baker:
And I still, even though I’m 40 years old, consider myself athletic. And I took a golf class in college, and my golf professor… Actually, because I played tennis, my parents were around and the golf coach told my dad she could totally break [inaudible 00:24:10] if she really wanted to. So my dad bought me a set of golf clubs, and I really never played golf ever.

Nick Jaworski:
Sure.

Courtney Baker:
And my husband, especially post 2020, he golfs regularly and we have taken multiple trips to beautiful, Nick, golf courses. And I have enjoyed it because I’ve sat in the cart reading a book and just enjoyed it. I actually used this story with my daughter this week because she was going to take a golf lesson with someone new at a new place she never had, and she was really nervous. And I was able to look at her and be like, “you know what? I went to my first golf lesson and I was really nervous.”
And I was. I remember walking in there, I don’t even have my own golf clubs yet. I had to borrow my neighbor’s golf club, her golf clubs. I’m like, I think this is how you carry a golf bag. And I’m meeting with a guy that is a PGA certified, and everything in my head is saying, he’s thinking, “why are you here? You don’t…” And that is true when you’re six years old and is true when you’re a beginner when you’re 40 years old. But it’s the practice of what your mindset is, what you’re willing to push through and just acknowledging like, yeah, that’s a feeling you’re really going to have your whole life. And I’m in that too when I try something new. So anyways, for all the people out there pursuing goals that you’re a beginner, here’s to us.

Nick Jaworski:
You’ll enjoy this Chief Revenue Officer, it’s time to point people to the life score assessment.

Courtney Baker:
Yes.

Nick Jaworski:
You go fullfocus.co/lifesscore I believe.

Courtney Baker:
Yes. It is a fantastic tool. I use it every year. I love it.

Nick Jaworski:
Okay. Well thank you so much, Courtney, and jump on the community, get your questions answered.

Courtney Baker:
Yeah, give me your golf tips.

Nick Jaworski:
Yeah.

Verbs Boyer:
So with all this talk about accountability, we have today’s tip to level up your focus, which is to make sure you join the Full Focus Planner Community right there on Facebook. It’s a great place to learn tips, receive encouragement, and help problem solve with others.

Courtney Baker:
Also, if you are hearing us talk about goals and you’re just thinking, you know what? I missed the whole goal thing for 2023. I will take it on in 2024. It is actually not too late. Now is the perfect time to think about who you want to be at the end of 2023. It’s always a great time to do that. It’s a great time to use our Full Focus goal setting course to help you craft your goals. It is the perfect companion to the Full Focus planner. Matter of fact, I can’t imagine using the Full Focus planner without it. So if you’re interested in getting your goals set up well for this year, check it out at fullfocus.co/goalsetting.

Verbs Boyer:
Thank you for joining us on Focus On This.

Courtney Baker:
This is the most productive podcast on the internet, so share it with your friends. And don’t forget to join our Full Focus Planner Community on Facebook. We’ll be back next Monday with another great episode. Until then…

Group:
Stay focused.